Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
