"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
