I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
