Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone came in the potted fern
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
