I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
