so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize