ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
