i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
