The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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