I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
