I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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