I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
