When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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