420 ftw
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
