I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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