bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nutella sex= disaster
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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