All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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