It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
