and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
