oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
