Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
