I cannot find my penis.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
