I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
