Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
