My hand turned me down
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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