i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
