I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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