I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
