'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
