The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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