I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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