He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
