she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
