god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
