I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
