Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
