He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
