don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
