im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Everything about him screamed your future.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
