yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
