you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
