Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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