Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
