At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize