ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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