Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i came on her dog
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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