tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Who died my cat blue again?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
