Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
