I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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