So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm too high and old for this...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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