i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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