ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
