Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's Friday. Sex?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
