so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
where am i from again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
