I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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