Nicole vs. Life
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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