Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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