So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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