Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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