my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
