I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
