I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
