Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
