Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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