Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
