I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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