I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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