Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
