he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize