I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
