Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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