how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize