i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
