I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
well you can't waste a boner
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize