It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
