You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
