can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
babies were throwing up all over the place
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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