They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
