Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
