Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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