I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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