I skipped work to stalk him.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
