Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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