i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
