so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
