Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had sex on a roof
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
