I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
