Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
