billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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